Steven R. Hurst Needs A Factchecker

Oh, wait, he is the factchecker. Uh-Oh.
In the midst of a remarkably silly and wrongheaded "analysis" piece concerning the Somali Pirates, the AP's Hurst drops in this little gem of misinformation:

Short of flooding the waters with fighting ships, the only course of attack would seem to be special operations assaults on the ground in Somalia. But Obama is sure to remember the outcome—Black Hawk Down—when the last young Democratic president, Hillary Clinton's husband, Bill, sent U.S. forces ashore in that lawless land.

The current situation has absolutely nothing in common with the Battle of Mogadishu and "flooding the waters" (Cool metaphor, huh? Weak reasoning gains so much from lazy writing) with "fighting ships" (Ar!) is actually a pretty good idea.... as Hillary pointed out yesterday. In fact, it is such a good idea that every nation that has ever encountered a piracy problem or, for that matter, a U-boat problem has done exactly that.

But beyond all that, President Clinton did not send U.S. forces ashore in Somalia. Our forces went into Somalia in December,1992. Bill Clinton did not assume Presidential authority until January 20th, 1993. A lot of us non-interventionist types believed at the time that it was a pretty thoughtful poison-pill parting gift for president Bush to leave office with.

Checking this "detail" would have taken five minutes, minutes Hurst apparently didn't have. So when the newspapers finally shut their doors just remember that they didn't always produce a lot of value in the first place.

My Etonian Problem....And Ours

A little sanctimonious gibberish from Andrew Sullivan.

More Gibberish From Arlen Specter....This Time On AIG Contracts

Once upon a time, when we all lived in the forest, a man we will call Arlen Specter worked as a DA.

Since that time he has traded in this morsel of history, much as Jake Spoon in Lonesome Dove , to establish a wholly undeserved reputation as a legal thinker worthy of some deference. For those who don't recall the inglorious facts, this tendency reached it's apogee when, during the Clinton impeachment trial, Specter voted "Not Proven" as opposed to "not guilty" or "guilty"....an archaic verdict form (sometimes known as; "not guilty, and don't do it again") once prevalent in Scottish law and, to the best of my knowledge, nowhere else. If nothing else, this alone should cement Specter's already well-deserved reputation as tiresome pedant and coward.

Now, normally, I don't trash Specter - I leave that to the long-suffering Republicans. However, this afternoon, I find that he is all over the TV asserting that the AIG retention bonus contracts are not unenforceable . This is not true. This is a lie. Specter knows that it is a lie. Arlen Specter is a liar.

In support of his ludicrous position Specter claims that the contracts are void "as a matter of public policy" and cites to the Restatement Of Contracts to buttress this argument. More specifically, Specter avers that the contracts are void ab initio in the same way a contact for the sale of heroin, for the sale of a human slave, or for the personal service of prostitution would be. Of course, those contracts are void because the subject matter of the hypotyhetical contracts are in and of themselves criminal. Citing "Public Policy" and appealing to the Restatement Of Contracts is lawyerspeak for "I have no statutory or case law in support of my position".

And, in fact, the stimulus and TARP legislation in question specifically allow for these bonus payouts, provided that they accrue to the recipients for services rendered predating the passage of the legislation.

Personally, I am, for the first and hopefully last time in my life, wholly in agreement with Sen. Grassley's recommendation that the AIG crew commit ritual seppuku. But the only thing worse than letting AIG get the money is having our legislature ignore the laws that they themselves are responsible for.

Your Justice System At Work

Shocking.

MUSKOGEE — A 44-year-old Muskogee man is being given probation after pleading guilty to raping a 6-year-old girl.

Vincent Martin LeCompte was given a 20-year suspended sentence Thursday as part of a plea deal on the first-degree rape charge.

Assistant District Attorney Shannon Otteson says prosecutors agreed to the deal because the victim already has testified three times.

Clearly a great defense attorney. Clearly a nauseating result.

Donald Luskin - A Portrait Of Utter Depravity

Just when you thought you had already seen the absolute worst in mendacity, venality and shameless greed that Modern Times have to offer -well, then along comes Donald Luskin to remind us all that the bottomless depths of Man's fallen nature are known only to God.

Brad De Long has long referred to Luskin as "the stupidest man alive", or at least until Luskin's awesome consistency disqualified him from further consideration for the title (only fair to give others a shot), but there is no way in which I could have prepared myself for his bald-faced indignation that the roulette-spinning brokers and Banco-playing bankers who have mortgaged the future of the country should receive anything less than the six million dollar bonuses to which they have become accustomed. Say what you will about the Red Chinese or the Mafia, but at least they have the sound judgment to reward incompetence on this scale with a lead bonus deposited right behind the ear.

In the pomposly titled screed "The Beginning Of The End For Investing" Luskin gibbers

Typically, highly compensated people on Wall Street earn fairly low salaries, but then get large annual bonuses — usually based on performance. Title VII turns that upside down. No more pay for play. It's all about salary now. So if a bank normally pays a superstar trader a nominal salary of $200,000 — and in a home-run year he earns himself a $10 million bonus — the only way to pay him the same total amount is to raise his salary to about $6.6 million. He'd then get that salary even if he did a lousy job in a given year.

And can you imagine the howling from the Congress and the media if we paid huge salaries to these people? There'd really be no choice but to drastically cut back their total compensation.

What superstar traders? The short sellers? Those domestic petroleum speculators sitting on their stock until the price of crude comes roaring back? As hilzoy has pointed out not all that long ago, it certainly wouldn't be the not-so-prescient Mr. Luskin, who continued to blindly march down Main Street beating the boosterism bass drum long after the economy had gone off the proverbial cliff.

Were performance to be rewarded, we would be talking gibbets, guillotines and breaking rocks in the hot sun....not bonuses and bailouts. And I am guessing that this sentiment is shared across the country on a truly bipartisan basis.

P.S. The truly morbid might enjoy (really not the right word) a quick recap of Luskin's delusional and increasingly hysterical prognostications over the months since the collapse of Lehman Bros..

Jim Bunning Is An Asshole

And a particularly disgusting one at that.

At a Lincoln Day Dinner speech over the weekend, Bunning predicted that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg would likely be dead from pancreatic cancer in nine months, according to the Louisville Courier-Journal.

The paper reports that Bunning reiterated his support of conservative judges, saying “that’s going to be in place very shortly because Ruth Bader Ginsburg…has cancer.”

Cold? Check. Vicious? Check. Incredibly stupid? Check, check, check.

In A World Beyond Irony....

.....We have DABA, or Dating A Banker Anonymous. Please tell me this is a clever hoax. Or shoot me.

Oh, Magoo!....You've Done It Again!

Such a marvelous day in the history of our nation that it can only be slightly marred (or, if one's tastes are sufficiently perverse, enhanced) by the semi-literate pretensions and ravings of Jonah Goldberg. Here, in attempting to critique the literary merit of President Obama's inauguration speech, he plays to his strong suite and explains a basic point of human rights to those of us who are too dense to appreciate it:

But the line that grated on me most came from the bit about service and sacrifice. He said:

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.

For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

No, “they” didn’t. Slaves certainly didn’t endure the lash of the of the whip out of a sense of service and sacrifice for us. That is one of the reasons slavery is so evil; it isn't voluntary.

Gosh. Is that what's wrong with slavery? Who knew? I guess I'll have to let that 14 year old girl out of the trunk of my car now and get my money back for the duct tape. Gee. I knew there was something wrong about slavery but this whole volition thing is really wild. Thanks Jonah!

But, as most of us know, the slaves did endure the lash "for us" - certainly "for" those who purported to own them, but also for their children and for the hope of a better future, however long it might be postponed.

Not content with vicodin-addled bullshit like this, we also get to endure Jonah as would-be copy editor:

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.

Gathering clouds and raging storms? Really? How did that survive the first draft? Oh, and shouldn’t that be forebears not forbearers? A forbearer is someone who refrains from something.

Well, thanks to Marc Ambinder's yeomanlike work dissecting the speech, those who would care to know will recognize the "storms....clouds" imagery as allusive to a hymn by one-time slaver and later abolitionist John Newton. Perhaps that is why it survived the first draft.

I could go on (for instance, Goldberg's niggardly interpretation of the expression "forbearer" -which actually is a word, albeit an archaic one) but this time it really is too easy. Follow the link and read his whole post. I do understand that the myth of Goldberg's insight exists primarily in his own mind, but gibberish like this ought to lay that legend to rest for good.

Genitalia?....Tinny! Tinny!

I am not an Elizabeth Alexander fan. I do not think she is a particularly good poet, though far from an utter fraud such as Maya Angelou. If we must have an "inaugural poet", I would prefer that it be another.
Having said that, the criticism of her poem "The Venus Hottentot" from NRO's Candace de Russy is simply pathetic.

Alexander's best-known poem, "The Venus Hottentot," contains the following lines: "Her genitalia will float inside a labeled pickling jar," "Monsieur Cuvier investigates between my legs, poking, prodding," "Since my own genitals are public I have made other parts private."

I don't much care for the specific language of the poem, which strikes me as unmusical and ordinary....traits it shares with the rest of Alexander's ouvre. However, given the horrifying details of the story behind the so-called "Venus Hottentot", some form of morbid sexual expression seems nearly unavoidable. To do otherwise would be like writing a war poem without reference to death, which arguably has been done, but not often.
I fear that Professor de Russy give her game away with the title of her post, "X-Rated Yale Poet at Inaugural?". It is hard to imagine a poem less likely to evoke an erotic or prurient response in most audiences. Could it be that de Russy is unaware of the unusual aspects of the historical model's genitals? The encyclopedia is your friend, Ms. de Russy. I regretfully suspect, though, that the mere appearance of the word "genitalia" in conjunction with the words "poking, prodding" is enough to disqualify the poet.

When You Agree With A Buffoon

it is a painful situation.

OKLAHOMA CITY — A Tulsa lawmaker said Tuesday he will file legislation to repeal the sales tax on the purchase of guns or ammunition in Oklahoma.

"As Americans, we should not have to pay a tax to exercise our constitutional rights — especially our Second Amendment rights," said Rep. Eric Proctor, D-Tulsa.

The measure, by Proctor and state Sen. Kenneth Corn, D-Howe, D-Poteau, will not affect any dedicated revenue stream for wildlife or other programs, Proctor said, adding it would have minimal impact on the state treasury.

I am opposed to all regressive taxation, so good for him. But Proctor (delightful name, so redolent of association with School hall monitors and proctologists) is clearly trying to appeal to the most hysterical wing of Second Amendment enthusiasts. A pox upon this butched-up wus.

Stupidity Watch

Apparantly constitutionally incapable of recommending an affordable item, The NY Times useless style writers recommend a Timex "J. Crew" watch for the low,low price of $150.00.
Guys, it's a fucking Timex. While I am impressed that the Times was able to find a Timex watch that costs that much, it does seem a little out of step with our economic moment. Try the army surplus for a better watch and save a hundred clams.

Goldberg v Sullivan: the Reckoning

This time, it's personal.

As you may or may not know, Sullivan and I used to be friends. We sparred over various issues online and joined forces on others. And then we would occassionally have drinks and compare notes. I think your points are all valid, but they ignore the simple fact that Sullivan's tactics of debate have often been, and have become steadily more, dishonorable ("nearest weapon to hand" is how I think Mickey once described it with admirable concision). As a personal matter, I look at Andrew's behavior toward me with a straightforward mix of disappointment and pity. As a professional matter, I've moved from bewilderedness to complete indifference. Either way, I for one no longer believe it's worth wasting the effort trying to form alliances with the Party of Andrew. You suggest I'm supposed to overlook his shabbiness, dishonesty and nastiness (never mind his neck snapping inconsistencies) because this week he's complaining about socialized medicine? I say I'm not nearly so cheap a date.

Hey, that last line is a real zinger, huh? It sounds, dare I say, a tad catty. And those shoes with that belt!

What Dreams May Come

K-Lo gets terrifying:

Tonight I was over at the vice president's house for one of their holiday parties. It was like a gathering of old friends — friends who likely won't see the inside of the naval observatory for a bit. Cheney aides like David Addington. Conservative Hill aides. Bill Bennett ... Karl Rove.

And that's the picture I want for my Facebook page: Karl Rove with Dick Cheney; Karl was two behind me in the receiving line. Maybe Lynne Cheney will bring a signed copy for Jon Stewart next time she's on.

They could still come back in four ...

In the strange, shadowy world of K-Lo's fevered imagination Lynne Cheney still has the opportunity to carry on the Presidential Dynasty. No word on how her campaign will explain the soft-core lesbian porn passages in Lynne's legendary 1981 pulp non-bestseller Sisters (available as a .pdf file here).
if they can make that one fly, they might as well run Mary Cheney too.

Joan Walsh Humiliates Christopher Hitchens

This entire Hardball segment was well worth watching in order to relish the sight of Walsh handling Hitchens's arguments with the sneering contempt that they deserve. I have always wondered why more folks don't apply the treatment to this absurd little man. I half-suspect that many of them are intimidated by the poxy British accent and by his ostentatious, often irrelevant, literary references. Walsh actually gets many better licks in than the link above indicates.
Joan Walsh as been a pretty biased Clinton booster for quite a time, and Hitchens is correct to say that Clinton's qualifications for State are pretty thin. Nonetheless, his constant attacks on Hillary are so ad hominem and so reflexive that they really deserve to be called out as the shrill hysteria the Clintons so often provoke. Buffoons like Hitchens are actually something in the way of a secret weapon for the Clinton team, as their attacks are so over the top and unhinged that they make the pair seem more reasoanable. Had the Clinton foes not attempted to torpedo them, the so-called "Progressive" wing of the Democratic party would have emasculated President Clinton far more effectively than the haters ever could.

Joe The Plumber v. The Aztec Mummy

In the event that further evidence of the intellectual deterioration of the once feared Republican Party was necessary, I point you to Ace Of Spades who takes the line that the Party should draft Joe The Plumber as a candidate for office. Personally, I think Lindsey Lohan would be an even better choice, just as a matter of demographics, but de gustibus non est disputandum and all that.

Should they unleash The Mighty Joe upon us, the Democrats will have little choice but to dig deep into their bench and draft the Aztec Mummy, who has more Hispanic appeal and cultural cachet, and who is indisputably stronger on defense.

P.S. Why is it that every time I hear the phrase "Joe The Plumber", I start to hear the Bowie song "Joe The Lion".

Larry Kudlow Is An Idiot

Not that you didn't know that. But

The corporate tax rate should be slashed from 35 percent to less than 25 percent, including capital-gains. (Corporations, let’s not forget, don’t pay taxes. Only individuals do, since business costs are passed along to consumers.)

Whew. That's a relief. Guess I didn't need to fuck around with all those courses in Federal Taxation after all. Will the last lawyer or CPA please turn out the lights? Riddle me this, Batman -if the State can't shake the corporations down how come the corps all have such heavy tax departments? How come they generate all of this case law? If they never pay anything why should we care what the rate is? Oh, right, I forgot. The ultimate price is paid by the consumer. Hey, that's good ol' Larry for you. Always looking out for the little guy.

What an asshole. Must be hitting the pipe again.

He Must Read The Same Papers As Sarah Palin

"If there was a Democrat congress, spending would be three or four times what it is now."

Tom Delay, on MSNBC just now.

Palin Fails The Turing Test