Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Colette Carr 1961 - 2004

"Always a delicate creature, whom a breath might have
withered," said the Ghost. "But she had a large heart."
"So she had!’" cried Scrooge. ‘You're right, I will not deny it!"
"She died a woman,’ said the Ghost, ‘and had, as I think, children."

Dear Colette,

I have just found out about your passing, and of the savage way you left us. You are mourned more than you, or even I, could have guessed.

I am mugged by a hundred memories of you. One, perhaps still more vivid and sweet than others, was on a warm spring day when you and I managed to sneak off to a carnival. Do you recall the Bottle Babies in the sideshow? Didn't have nothing to do that day. Nothing I wanted to do, anyway. Thank you for your time. We should have....But we had so much time left, it couldn't have mattered. A small crime of omission.

You were so pretty that evening, and so warm. So unexpectedly (always more than expected!) and so unrelievedly kind. Do you know that I remember the first time ever I saw you? I assure you that you and I will talk about these moments yet.

You remind me a little bit of the Rose in The Little Prince. The one that was so sure that her thorns would keep her safe. Honestly, you have never lacked for courage, Colette. I wish that I had been there at the end, when I could have helped. You would still be here with us, my dearest. Your thorns.

Einstein once said that the distinction between our past, our present and the future is nothing more than man's most "stubbornly persistant illusion". It is a comforting conceit to hope that, in some unknowable relativistic sense, you and I still circle on that carnival ferris wheel. To be rotating with you slowly, endlessly, happily, for one ancient moment in the eye of God - that might be The Ultimate E-Ticket Attraction. I'll buy you a popcorn when we get off.

Never dead to me, Dear.


I know that
I'd go anywhere
For your smile, anywhere --
For your smile, everywhere
I'd see

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